Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
