I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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