Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
love makes seman taste better
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
