you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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