i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I wish there were birth control emojis
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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