But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
