just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
