I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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