My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
