hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
birth control should be required to get into college
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
