I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
