the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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