My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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