if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
