Apparently you make a good broom.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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