nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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