a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she told me i tasted like america
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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