it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
