ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
