Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
