finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
