I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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