he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I am spending my child support on dildos
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
