After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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