Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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