it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
