the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
