Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
