I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
