Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
