oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
