It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
