Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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