By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
