Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
