You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
pop tarts are not kleenex
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
