i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
