So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
