dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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