I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
