You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
