I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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