chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
