You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Boobs speak an international language.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
