did you get engaged???
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
