Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
