I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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