so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
