I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
