Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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